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OVER 70 QUOTES!!!!

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What a wondrous gift of fate that we could live our lives at the same time on earth.

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You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back. -Barbara De Agelis

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We can only learn to love by loving. -Iris Murdoch

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Accept that all of us can be hurt, that all of us can-and surely will at times fail. Other vulnerabilities, like being embarrassed or risking love, can be terrifying too. I think we should follow a simple rule: if we can take the worst, take the risk. -Dr. Joyce Brothers

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Challenges make you discover things about yourself that you never really knew. They're what make the instrument stretch-what make you go beyond the norm. -Cicely Tyson

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For long you live and high you fly, and smiles you'll give and tears you'll cry, and all you touch and all you see is all your life will always be. -Pink Floyd

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When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn. -Harriet Beecher Stowe

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Unfortunately, sometimes people don't hear you until you scream. -Stephanie Powers

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Time and distance have no meaning. Being close is an affair of the heart. -Author Unknown

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Life is a succession of moments; to live each one is to succeed. -Corita Kent

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Perhaps they are not stars, but rather the light of ones we've lost shining down on us from the heavens. -Author Unknown

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The decisions we make in an instant define our true character. -Author Unknown

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Live your life not by fear of what may come, but with joy of what has been. -Kelly Ayers

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Those who dance may be considered insane by those who cant hear the music. -Author Unknown

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Why do we close our eyes when we dream, imagine, or kiss? Because the best things in life are unseen. -Author Unknown

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The only difference between failing and falling is whether or not you choose to get up again. -Author Unknown

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Don't be dismayed at good-byes. A farewell is necessary before you can meet again. And meeting again after a moment or a lifetime is certain for those who are friends. -Richard Bath

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I have accepted fear as a part of life-specifically the fear of change I have gone ahead despite the pounding in the heart that says: turn back -Erica Jong

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Kindness in words creates confidence; Kindness in thinking creates profoundness; Kindness in giving creates love. -Lau-tzu

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Dreams are the poems our conscience minds can't write. They're windows for what we cant see when were awake. They're the answers to the questions we didn't know we wanted asked. And they're a gift we didn't know we wanted, but are glad we received. -Nicole McArdelle

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You can lay the foundation of a friendship on a matter of moments, but it is a work of art to build a monument. -Madelyn Watt

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Have you ever been talking to someone, and they say something especially keen, such as, "Yeah, no problem, I live 5 minutes from home" (A verbatim quotation from Coolsig staff Kevin Savage). There's really no correct response, the most appropriate being, "No thanks, I've already got a penguin."

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Over and over I find being redundant is key to success in the art of redundancy - Jay Armstrong

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Nuclear Fission is nice, but none of the really cosmic breakthroughs can hope to surpass the utility and availability of the white 5-gallon plastic bucket. - J. Taylor Buckley

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"The quality of my life would be greatly reduced if I did not have nostrils." - 'Weird Al' Yankovic

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I used to drive down the long highways, throwing tomatoes out the window yelling, 'Hooray for the spicy chipmunk!'

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Winny and I lived in a house that ran on static electricity... If you wanted to run the blender, you had to rub balloons on your head. If you wanted to cook, you had to pull off a sweater real quick.

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If the circumference of a circle is the distance around the edge of it, and the diameter is the distance through that same circle, how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll toastie pop?

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'I've also got a 4-string [stunt kite].' - Noam 'So can you kill people with it?' - Aaron

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I can bend minds with my spoon.

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If you're flying down the highway, and your wings fall off your boat how many pancakes can you stack on top of a green doghouse?

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For the next 60 seconds, I will conduct a test of my emergency broadcast equipment. AAAAHHHHH!!! Had this been a real emergency, the scream you just heard would be followed by lots more just like it. This concludes My test of my emergency broadcast equipment. - Calvin, 'Calvin & Hobbes.'

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Debate politics with a fern. If you lose, refuse to water it.

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If Train A leaves San Francisco at 8:30am EST travelling 25mph and Train B leaves Chicago at 1:30pm MST travelling at 40mph, and they're 3000 miles apart when they start, what is the capitol of Bulgaria?

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A murmur ran through the court and before the bailiff could grab it, then it jumped up and bit judge Webster on the nose.

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Some of my colleagues think that the chemicals we are experimenting with could potentially cause brain damage, however I think that fish crunchy bits of salami my new red hippie noodle. Naked pool frogs?

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If a chicken and a half can lay an egg and a half in a minute and a half, how long would it take a monkey with a wooden leg to kick all the seeds out of a dill pickle?

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Okay, Okay, so you won't go out with me unless I was the last man on earth ... what if you were a purple frog and I was a green cow? Okay , still no .... What if I had wings, too ?

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How's he gonna read that magazine rolled up like that? What the ... - a fly.

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But then John said to himself, 'Frank, your name isn't Louis!'

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How mad would a wood chuck get if a big neon pink Koala bear named Ishtar ran into the woods and chucked all the wood before the woodchuck could?

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Small, green leafy bodies, long tongues drooling over sharp incisors, they weren't human, they were brussel sprouts, killer brussel sprouts.

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'Did you sleep well?' 'No, I made a couple of mistakes.' - Steve Wright

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God Made Us Brothers, But Prozac Made Us Friends.

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"You can't go saying 'everybody's got a water buffalo!' Everyone does NOT have a water buffalo! We're going to get nasty letters saying "Where's MY water buffalo? Why don't I have a waterbuffallo?" Are you prepared to deal with that? I didn't think so!" --Archibald Asparagus

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Ladies and gentleman, hoboes and tramps, cross-eyed mosquitoes, and bowlegged ants. I stand here before you, not behind you, to tell you something I know nothing about. Last night about 6:00 this morning, an empty truck loaded with bricks almost killed my dead cat. We rushed him to the hospital, slow as we could, only to find King Arthur, sitting at the fourth corners of the round table eating vinegar with a fork.

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One bright day, in the middle of the night, two dead boys stood up to fight. Back to back, they faced each other. Drew their swords, and shot each other. The deaf policeman heard the sound, and put those boys back in the ground. If you don't believe this lie is true, ask Harry the blind man, he saw it, too.

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Yes, it was big. And ugly. And smelly. But none of that was important, because it was my big, ugly, smelly thing that I had found at the landfill and no one could take it away from me. Unless they felt like it.

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Life's short and hard, kind of like a bodybuilding elf.

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"Ever wonder if the light goes out when you close the fridge door? Well, yes it does." - the milk

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This is the nineties, you don't just go around punching people. You have to say something cool first.

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Attention: There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting.

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Sticks and stones may break my bones, and so would an 80 lb. carrot.

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If you look deeply enough into any person's soul, you can see the emu within them struggling to get out. Actually, most people don't have emus in their soul. Just me. - Invisible Dave, Lady of Emus

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When I was in Jr. High, I had a music teacher that let the class pick the music for the last day of school. Well it being the 80's we picked Panama by Van Halen. The beginning of the song starts out - 'Reach down between my legs and ease the seat back'. Well she had never heard the song before and clicked off the tape player before 'ease the seat back' and all of us had shocked expressions when she screamed out 'What is this, pornography?' Needless to say we all ran for dictionaries that day and still laugh about it when we hear the song.

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Give a man a match and he'll be warm for an hour... Set him on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

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Sanity is not my strong point. -Pelican Bob

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When I'm feeling down, I like to eat a bucket of fried chicken in front of a Jenny Craig Outlet.

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There's nary an animal alive that can outrun a greased Scotsman. - Groundskeeper Willie

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Every child has many wishes. Some include a wallet, two chicks and a cigar, but that's another story.

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So what if the undead and zombie walk slow? They'll catch up eventually.;0

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If oranges smell like chicken, why are tomatoes blue? Think about it!

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One shining day in the middle of the night, the river Torrens caught alight The blind man saw, the deaf man heard, the dumb man phoned the fire brigade. The fire brigade, drawn by six dead horses, ran over a dead cat and half killed it, and arrived at the fire ten minutes before it started and put it out with petrol and kerosene. The man with no legs walked off in disgust...

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If you're standing on your head, and you pull your pants down, is that really such a bad thing?

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Alas, poor kiroY. I knew him backwards.

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Tonight there is a meeting of the ladies club for men only. Admission free, pay at the door, pull up a chair and sit on the floor. The next meeting will be held at the four corners of the round table.

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A horse is a horse, of course, of course, He follows a lifestyle we don't endorse. He drinks the blood of a sheep by force, The vampire horse, Count Ed.

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"Bob?" asked Steve, "Jim", Frank replied.

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Sometimes I have a difficult time handling myself in social situations. I just start scampering around neurotically, frantically jumping all over guests. I think it all goes back to when I was raised in the wild by miniature schnauzers.

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In space, no one can hear your teddy bear scream.

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"Men, you can't live with them, and you can't legally kill them." -Danielle Robertson